Sunday, December 28, 2008
sometimes i definitely think too much.
and this time i think maybe it's time to stop thinking. I want to become a careerwoman! Just focus on work and school and work. Eh i notice this is kind of a cycle that I go through lol. DAMNNN
So what I was gonna blog about was how I was agreeing that I'm always being cryptic. And I know why. Because I'm extremely afraid of putting things OUT THERE. It's like once I say it, I can't take it back. I can't pretend like I've never felt a certain way. So I'd rather keep things to myself.
Val can't stand it. It leaves too much room for
regret. But somehow I think I'd rather live with the regret than the
rejection. Though of course the only
2 times I've admitted to people that I like them (not counting that time when I mentioned in passing how I thought TS was cute and tong decided to out me), both times I've been
reciprocated, which shouldn't actually be traumatizing for me. TWICE!!! That's kinda amazing to me lol. And I only did so when I was almost completely sure of how the other party felt. Well the 2 people were Melvin and my ex. I told melvin only after that time he
almost died. LOL. I think coz I was having too much of an adrenaline rush.
Yea but it just makes me wonder sometimes because I NEVER meet guys who will openly tell me they like me. I mean like guys i LIKE. I get the all-out-
desperate kind like *ahem* someone, who will go like, "Hey babe/princess/hot stuff/whatever, are you free soon? Can I date you?" Which is just
PUKE-WORTHY. Or I get the 'trying-to-be-discreet' kind like "I'm lonely, can I msg you then?" after a long string of msgs. Which was just too bad i wasn't in the mood.
Otherwise, I get the stupid SEND-A-SONG kind. Which really just drives me nuts because HELLO??? Unless the song you choose to send/dedicate/whatever has lyrics that go, "CHERLYNN THIS IS ABOUT YOU, AND SPECIFICALLY ETCETCETC", else songs are just generally too damn vague!!!! Like
xyz and I were saying the other day, there are too many parts to a song for it to be sending just ONE message. So how are we supposed to know
which part you mean? The "I wanna break up" part? Or the "I'm moving on" part? Or the "i loved you at the beginning" part?!?!?!?! Yah. I hate it because it has
not happened only once. It's fucking annoying. The worst thing is when they send you the song and then either ask you to listen to it and don't say anything, or become all cryptic like "oh the message is in the song". I'm like WTF?!
And then i turn around and there are girls like
xyz or
shui or uh, any of my other hot girlfriends. Who constantly get guys confessing to them. And you just start to wonder wth is wrong with yourself (apart from the fact that you're simply not as hot/desirable/etc). Just as you were about to blame it on ball-less Singaporean guys having no guts to say anything, you hear about all these other Singaporean guys who apparently HAVE balls. SO WTF IS WRONG!?!?!
Lol I am amused at how
pissed off I sound. But yea anyway back to the
main point. So if you can't take it that I'm too
cryptic, then don't read it!!!! Haha. That's why I put it all in
smaller words anyway coz it's for me to put 'out there' without being 'out there'. You don't have to read it.
And back to the point I was making at the very beginning. I don't know what to do anymore, coz upon reflection and hindsight and way too much thinking, I've decided that despite what others might think, there really wasn't anything in the first place. So I should really just move on. I don't want to, but it seems to me that we're at a point where nothing's gonna happen anymore. This point of view
might change but with the way things are going, I seriously doubt so.
Don't think too much, don't ask on the blog. Ask in person. I'll tell. In the meantime, enjoy the fun-ness that is this blog. And remember, I love you guys =)
so said cher @ 12:09 AM
